A very uncomfortable exchange ensued between a student and Rolf Gates, my yoga teacher, which ended with Rolf Gates stating, sternly and with conviction - 'Expectations do NOT belong in the classroom'.
This incident left a lasting impression and caused me to ponder the role of expectation in life generally speaking. I concluded that we'd be much happier if we had no expectations at all for anything. Going through life evaluating every situation against our 'expectation' list, merely serves to keep us in a constant state of disappointment. We're always left looking for what's missing rather than what is there, always searching for a reason to be discontent.
When we set expectations we tend to think the world revolves around us and become a 'Snob' with regard to how we feel things should be. Then we behave badly when things aren't meeting those expectations. I've been the 'Aerobic-Snob', the 'Food-Snob', the 'Travel-Snob', and mostly the 'I'm Too Busy Don't Waste My Time-Snob'. As a 'snob' filled with expectation, it was easy for me to become agitated and walk out of an Aerobics class or not tip a waitress or complain madly about an airline or make sarcastic remarks (typically in my mind, which counts!) about a person's incompetency at their job. When we behave in such ways it causes the mind to spin in unproductive directions and ultimately leads to our own suffering (not keeping with Ahimsa). Do you feel good inside after you complain or fly off the handle or act in a rude or unprofessional manner? No you suffer, you probably recount your behavior again and again, justifying it but feeling no better - it's a waste of time.
In yoga we believe that there is a reason things happen and all events are learning opportunities. Although, the reason may not seem apparent at that time, there is some greater pattern of life that comes together along the way. How we choose to BE, to behave, during the life events that don't meet our expectations, serves as a lesson or a mistake to others.
Are you serving as a lesson or a mistake in life?
Much of my working career has been spent directing billion-dollar fundraising events. I have been an originator, the person who brings in business. In this role you must, 'kiss a lot of frogs', as its often mused. Approaching random people in an attempt to source something isn't all that fun. I learned to set a rule and it's what made me effective. "I'm here and I'm approaching this person so I'm going to talk to them until I find out why the universe has brought us together." Is it a deal? A capital source? A bit of competitive intel? Newsworthy bits? A hobby in common?... I stay, smile and prod no matter how unpleasant the experience is...think condescending, breath stinks, super boring, arrogant, inflated ego, womanizing, yellow teeth, big zit...you get the picture. The vast majority of the time - I got something of value out of the dialog.
It's with that lens that I now try to approach all situations in life - not knowing why something is happening but assuming there is a reason and either trying to discern what that reason might be or simply being at peace with what is happening. It's not an easy practice.
An investment professional yogini, Tarra serves others by teaching yoga asana, philosophy and other life lessons in the classroom, on her video series, and in writing on her blog (http://www.tarrayoga.com/). Tarra offers years of wisdom regarding yogic living, nutrition, sustainability and roles of working women and mothers. Tarra also combines her financial and yoga expertise by advising and supporting entrepreneurs in the LOHAS sector.
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